‘The Ole Ball Coach’ Knight signals 8-2 in first ‘BTE’ action
THE REAL GURU
“BTE” regulars continued to under-performed in the early season as we had only one 8-2 last week ... and that wasn’t enough to hold off blitzing linebacker Angie ‘Bam Bam’ Peercy and her impressive 9-1 take-down. I’m thinking she switched to a new ‘signal-caller’ and moved to the ‘Red’ playbook.
Jacob ‘the Ole Ball Coach’ Knight finally decided to jump into the ‘BTE’ pool this year and he made quite a splash in his first week of action. His 8-2 cannonball proved to be tops of the week and earn him a spot in the ‘BTE’ lifeguard’s chair. He’ll get this week’s picks in as soon as assistant lifeguard Bobby ‘the Tank’ finishes his pushups and situps for losing bragging rights to the old pro yet once again.
Tumbling quicker than the NY G-men, we see 7-3 a wad of players including George ‘the Legend’ Pirtle, Jorge ‘Billy Bob’ Tauil, Doug ‘Double D’ Dennis, David ‘Miguel’ Brown, along with Kent ‘Muscles’ Boswell. Tough week for our coal barron ... that can be expected since he spent so much time last week in the ‘Big Apple’ ... running the dunkaroo in front of the UN Building during National Dictator Week. For just $100,000, you get three tosses to put a card-carrying ‘nuke’ dealer in the H2O. All proceeds go to some third-world country that’s buying coal from ‘Muscles’ ... heck, we don’t need it. Just raise the debt ceiling .. doesn’t mean we owe more money anyway ... right? Next time I’m at Pancake World ... gonna order 12 stacks instead of 6, should be the same price, including six government grants and 12 shares of Solyndra.
Hey, hey ... two more 7-3 players ... Aaron ‘Cougar Tamer’ Teer and ‘Guest Expert’ Charlie ‘Atomic Bomb’ Hust. They ain’t got time to worry bout this! Both focused on their #12 team ranking in the Putt-Putt-alooza World Championships in San Antoine! Had problems though from the get-go ... seems ‘Atomic Bomb’ opted for driver off the first tee ... successfully clearing the windmill, waterfall and giant 18-foot T-Rex. Ooops, little green ball last seen splitting the golden arches of Mickey D’s, still rolling across the highway, into the parking lot of Home Depot and zooming past the landscape timber display. Meanwhile, back at Putt-Putt World, ‘Cougar Tamer’ never got started ... arguing with the little 14-year-old cashier about his buy-one-get-one-free coupon that had “expired” two days earlier. Seems the little teen Diva (the girl, not ‘CT’) didn’t really care who he was or what job title he thinks he holds ... “expired means expired Sir,” she sighed while texting to 13 BFF’s at one time! ‘CT’ last seen waist-deep looking in the floorboard of his dust-covered, 4-door sedan for maybe another “ligit” coupon, or maybe $3.99 in loose change. He’s not paying full price cause his head is pounding on that debt ceiling!!!
Our trusted-band of ‘Expert’s’ ... ‘Ninja’ Pirtle, Mack ‘the Knife’ and ‘the Brain’ all check in with 7-3’s as well. The three are packed on a moped headed to Clay in search of ‘Skeeter’ Duncan. He decided to participate in the mud run ... didn’t understand you started in Clay. He took off walking the ditches down 293 ... the muddest man wins once you get there ... that’s his theory. Not been seen since late Saturday afternoon. “BTE” search-and-rescue now underway. Townsend Food Liner Lifeline/City of Dixon Tour helicopter now searching the county.
Just hoping for one more first down in order to break the 6-4 line is legendary player also making his 2013 debut, Andrew ‘Mountain Man’ Hudson. Be sure to order your ‘Mountain Man’ shakey-weight video ... for the body you deserve. Oh, my bad ... that’s ‘milkshake’ video. Time is counting down for Clay ‘Wedding Bell Blues’ Thornberry and his 6-4 nuptials, along with Bobby ‘Empty Tank’ Gibson.
Calling all ‘Storm Chasers’ ... I need help, shouts Keith ‘Law Dude’ Cartwright.
Ouch Batman, who is that person holding the 4-6 cup. Multiple ‘BTE’ winner Phillip ‘Hot Tub’ Teer ... who are you, I don’t even recognize you anymore!
Half way home boys and girls. Week #5 is upon us!
Get those picks in. Call 667-2068 or email:chust@journalenterprise.com
Russellville @ Franklin-Simpson
Union County @ Hancock Co.
Todd Central @ McLean County
Wisconsin @ Ohio State
Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech
USC @ Arizona State
Phoenix @ Tampa Bay
Pittsburgh @ Minnesota
NY Jets @ Tennessee
tiebreaker:
LSU @ Georgia