‘Muscles’ Boswell
uses 9-1 stronghold for week #7 victory
THE REAL GURU
A couple of wiley veterans battled it out for the top spot in week #7 of ‘Beat the Experts’ and when the dust cleared, it was Kent ‘Muscles’ Boswell with the stronghold on the title topping George ‘the Legend’ Pirtle. Both finished with 9-1 pickings but ‘Muscles’ butt-dialed the tiebreaking score within one point to snatch the ‘BTE’ tee from Legend’s paws.
But hey, ‘Muscles’ ain’t got time to celebrate ... a quick trip to D. C. to headlock a couple of EPA Swat Team members plus swing by Congress to replace the batteries in the Harry Reid standup doll ... and then it’s back to work ... digging coal, thwarting lawsuits and teaching his kids the secrets of stealing bases at the big league level ... that’s how he rolls.
‘The Legend’ returned to the links for more thrills and spills in his fanstasy golf league. He leads the western division in ‘recovered golf balls’ including five of those coveted laser-show yellow babies that almost glow in the dark. Sweet!
Lots of 8-2 entries this week including Virginia ‘Southern Belle’ Gibson, along with the only man we know that has to “mow” his kitchen ... Phillip ‘Hot Tub’ Teer. Speaking of Teers ... let’s shed a few for Aaron ‘Cougar Tamer’ Teer who fumbled this week in his debut as starting fullback for the University of Phoenix. Also the front-runner for the MLB Commish gig after his hostile takeover of Buddy Selig... Keith ‘Storm Chaser’ Cartwright. (Feeling a bit cocky these days, started talking smack last week about taking down ‘Billy Bob’ ... let’s get ready to ruuummmbllle!”)
Also at 8-2 was ‘Guest Expert’ Jorge ‘Billy Bob’ Tauil along with ‘Experts’ Angie ‘Bam Bam’ Peercy, ‘Ninja’ Pirtle and ‘the Brain’, who has begun drinking from a sippie cup one again cause he can’t catch ‘Ninja’.
Whoof, whoof ... “what’s wrong Lassie ... Timmy fallen down the well?” Nope, just three players screaming from the 6-4 dungeon including Doug ‘Double D’ Dennis, Ralphie ‘D1’ Sharp and Charlie ‘Atomic Bomb’ Hust ... who, by the way, had a hiccup last week in his part-time gig to make extra cash by impressing the babes with his dancing moves. Got his right foot hung in his extra-long cargo shorts pocket ... wasn’t planning on break-dancing but a couple of spins on the head along with some kicking and screaming and he was back on his feet. Just prelim for upcoming Thornberry weddin’ performance.
More ‘wet-your-pants’ fun at the Townsend Food/Pizza Emporium and Roller Dome as Mack ‘the Knife’ sliced a 3-7 samich this week. Hey Scotty, smell that and see if it’s OK to put on the shelf. ‘Knife’ had a tough week, new belly-button piercing was little sore and his goatee itches all the time ... must be that new cologne ... FrenchToastdeToliet! No factory warranty on that stuff either.
SKEETER ALERT—Steveo ‘Skeeter’ Duncan last seen in New York City ... New York City? Yep, country boy headed to the Big Apple to rescue the G-Men ... taking over as newest Manning bro ... just to make a little $$$ on the side so he can land a gig as ‘former NFL star-now-turned-broadcaster-that-hasn’t-a-clue-as-to-what-to-say-other-than’ ... “hey, man, during my all-pro years we didn’t worry about concussions ... we too busy with jock itch.”
‘Skeeter’ will pick up some nice suits and ties because of his hefty endorsement deal at Men’s Outhouse. One problem on the trip tho ... backhanded a fastfood clerk cause he had one curly fry in his order of seasoned taters.
Get those picks in kids, week “ocho” is here. Call 667-2068 or email:chust@journalenterprise.com
Week #8 games
Louisville Trinity @ Male
Union Co. @ Owensboro Cath.
Florida State @ Clemson
UCLA @ Stanford
Syracuse @ Georgia Tech
Florida @ Missouri
Dallas @ Philadelphia
St. Louis @ Carolina
Cleveland @ Green Bay
tiebreaker:
Denver @ Indianapolis
UCLA @ St