Jorge ‘Billy Bob’ Tauil
becomes ‘BTE’s first 2-time winner of 2013
THE REAL GURU
Making a bid for 2013 ‘Experts’ MVP (Most Valued Picker and nothing to do with his nose), Jorge ‘Billy Bob’ Tauil leaped to the front of the pack in Week #8 with a 9-1 card and his second win of the season. That’s strong boys and
girls ... much like that stylish Eli Manning mustache ... gonna need a couple of lumberjacks in there to trim that bad boy!
That was it folks, the only 9-1 of the week.
Topping the 8-2 charts was David ‘Miguel’ Brown (sporting his new bumper sticker ... “Why Can’t I Be Popular Like Those Duck Dynasty Rednecks”) along with the San Antoine stud Aaron ‘Cougar Tamer’ Teer. Now that Bruce Jenner has split the scene ... Cougar thinks he’s in with Mama Kardashian ... gonna need that face stretched as tight as a pair of leggings on Oprah ... but Cougar Tamer could be the next cover boy for the Kardashian clan ... no talent necessary ... perfect fit ... a win-win for everyone. I’m sure we will be seeing a pre-baby bootie shot any day now.
Don’t forget our top ‘Expert’ for week 8, Mack ‘the Knife’! Fresh off his visit to Wildcat country for ‘Madness’ and as most of you know, ‘Knife’ penned Coach Cal’s acceptance speech for the gala. Limited to just 10,000 words but not a problem for ‘Knife’, that boy can chatter with the best of ‘em. Would Friday’s monologue be considered a ‘hoops fillabuster’ ... dude, take a breath, get a drink, take a whiz ... something! And by the way Coach C, back away from the french fries ... or you’re gonna have to buy some extra long ties. That neckline is ‘mid-rut season’ form for all of those deer hunting fans.
Back to our little contest, we give a shout-out to our 7-3 player Bobby ‘Tank’ Gibson (time is running out Bro, bragging rights are still in Coach Knight’s back pocket).
6-4 pickers include Doug ‘Double D’ Dennis, Ralphie ‘D1’ Sharp and “with this ring I thee take control of all your worldly possessions” himself Clay ‘Wedding Bell Blues’ Thornberry. Just last week had to ‘turn in’ his 12-guage for a 4-slice toaster and matching can opener that will accent the wallpaper in the kitchen. Sad! Two glasses of water and a chicken lips sandwich for lunch and back to work Mo! Gotta payoff that engagement ring bill! That noose is getting tighter and tighter ... or is that the tux.
Ooops, don’t forget ‘the Brain’ at 6-4. Considering his liter box performance this year, ‘the Brain’ will be replaced this week by Barney the Super Cat! 6-4 ‘cheers’ also to Kent ‘Muscles’ Boswell. ‘Muscles’ has been super busy, cheering on his ‘Redbirds on a Bat’ along with being ‘the best and brightest’ summoned to repair the Unaffordable Health Who-Cares website. His first fix was genuis ... flu shots by drones! Also, instead of paying a Canadian company 1/2 bil$ for a website that doesn’t work ... he’s just gonna switch it over to customer support ... 1-800-dialIndia! You’ve got a 50-50 chance of reaching someone that speaks English or connecting to the front desk at your local Motel 6 ... oh, my bad ... that’s all the same. No problem, just take another pill and check back in about 10 weeks. Barry O promises it will be up-and-running by then Comrade!
5-5, wow like a camera man being run over by a couple of defensive backs in the corner of the end zone. Video replay confirms ruling on field ... both feet out of bounds for Virgina ‘Southern Belle’ Gibson, George ‘the Legend’ Pirtle and Keith ‘Storm Chaser’ Cartwright. Also ‘5-5’ twerk lessons for ‘Experts’ Angie ‘Bam Bam’ and ‘Ninja’ Pirtle.
Get those picks in for week #9. Only two weeks left to claim your spot in the ‘BTE’ Hall of Fame! Call 667-2068 or email:chust@journalenterprise.com
Week #9 games:
Trigg County @ Ft. Campbell
Madisonville @ Murray
Texas Tech @ Oklahoma
Nebraska @ Minnesota
La. Lafayette @ Arkansas State
Kentucky @ Mississippi State
Pittsburgh @ Oakland
Dallas @ Detroit
Atlanta @ Arizona
tiebreaker:
NY Jets @ Cincinnati
UCLA @ St