THE REAL GURU
Celebrating his last few days of freedom, Clay ‘Weddin’ Bell Blues’ Thornberry shook-off the curve ball and went straight for the heat ... a 7-3 fastball past four other 7-3 players for his first ‘Experts’ career victory.
‘Weddin’ Bell’, aka ‘Mo’ ... was quick to celebrate his new found fame ... out shopping for some new bling! Not for the soon-to-be Mrs. Mo (he’s already got that in the bag ... jumbo box of cereal had a sweet de-coder ring with matching necklace) ... but for himself. Always wanted some studs for the ears and a couple of chains. Kinda looks like an unemployed “rapper” who had to take a day job at your local bank. “Would you like that in big bills or just $20’s”!
And speaking of rap music, much like babies crying ... they just want it to be over ... these players also cashed-in 7-3 earnings but couldn’t lasso pack leader Thornberry and his lightning-quick break from the vault. Next in line please—we see Keith ‘Storm Chaser’ Cartwright (oooooh so close to a chair on stage with MVP ‘Billy Bob’ but looks like the wind is blowing in your face and not to your back), David ‘Miquel’ Brown and look at this tandem ... Kent ‘Muscles’ Boswell and Aaron ‘Cougar Tamer’ Teer ... both heading ‘across the pond’ for tryouts of the newest NFL squad ... London Fog. ‘Muscles’ is a no-brainer for the gridiron royalty ... he checked his closet this morning, got plenty of trench coats already with the name ... sewn right in there! Plus ‘Momma Muscles’ is London native ... so he can clearly understand when someone is cursing him from the sidelines ... very important for the NFL experience. We think he’s been “fined” several times by ‘Momma Muscles’ so he might be eligible for the Pro Bowl!
As for ‘Cougar Tamer’ ... he’s borrowed a cute skirt and poms ... just shooting for a spot on cheer squad. He has experience in dancing in line formation. He was gonna tryout as place kicker ... just couldn’t re-live those horrible childhood nightmares of always being the last kid picked for the team. Just opted for ‘go-go boots, lipstick and stylish bangs’ ... his normal work attire.
‘Guest Expert’ Jorge ‘Billy Bob’ Tauil delivered a sub-par 7-3 as did ‘Barney the Super Cat’ ... who returned to his perch upon the garage refrigerator, now officially bored! Handing it back over to ‘the Brain’ for final, history-making “BTE” week, hoping he can go out with a bang!
Leading our 6-4 players is Doug ‘Double D’ Dennis and Ralphie ‘D1’ Sharp (those little Ptown kitties better bring a extra sandwich with them this Friday ... upset a brewin’).
Already puffing on his victory cigar is top ‘Expert’ Greg ‘Ninja’ Pirtle ... life is good down there in Niagara ... keep those brats out of my office, not doing any “counseling” for the rest of the week!
Dez, he Dez ... would you be so kind as to offer some words of encouragement to these 5-5 teammates ... kinda like Sunday’s little prayer meeting in Big D! George ‘the Legend’ Pirtle and Phillip ‘Hot Tub’ Teer need a pep talk for our final week. Never mind, a trip to the pharmacy should have them back in championship form for our final little showdown.
Ouch, 4-6! ‘Expert’s Angie ‘Bam Bam’ Peercy and Mack ‘the Knife’ just got covered up ... if you know what I mean ... by Barney ‘the Super Cat’ last week. A change of litter is in order I would say! ‘Knife’ stumbled because his little buddy Steve-o ‘Skeeter’ Duncan was of no help at all. Still a big concussed from all the ‘blue mist’ spewed during Midnight Madness. All ‘Skeeter’ could do was sit there in his bean-bag chair, wearing his prized Richie Farmer for Prez t-shirt and looking at his vintage smart watch that beeps the Wildcat fight song every 15 minutes ... and wonder ... is this the year, is this the year they finally call me on the Big Blue Line and pick-my-brain on how to implement that match-up zone defense that I used to catapult the Dixon Dragons to an 8th-grade title back in ‘88.
We hope so ‘Skeeter’, we sure hope so!!!!
By the way ‘Skeeter’, on your way to Lex ... take the ‘Knife’ with ya ... Scottie says you need to stop by the warehouse and pick up a couple of cases of Pibb and some Halloween candy ... running a bit low at Townsend Food King and Spooky Catacombs.
Well kids, this is it ... the final week of “BTE”! One last chance to toss your helmet into the winner’s circle as we prepare to close the books on the ‘Experts’ legacy.
Get those picks in for week for the Grand Finale. Call 667-2068 or email:chust@journalenterprise.com
Grand Finale games:
Mayfield @ Caldwell County
South Warren @ Russellville
Michigan @ Michigan State
Oklahoma State @ Texas Tech
West Virginia @ Texas Christian
Tennessee @ St. Louis
Baltimore @ Cleveland
Philadelphia @ Oakland
San Diego @ Washington
tiebreaker:
Miami @ Florida State